Yikes! Lentils
September 18, 2024
The other day, Sharon and I drove down to Clarkston, Washington to do some shopping at Costco. (And by "down to Clarkston," I mean "down, down, down to Clarkston," as you must go as you descend to the Snake River valley floor.) As we were leaving, I ordered the super-cheap, hot-dog-and-cold-drink combo and sat down to enjoy it. I spotted this fellow across from me and down a little, and I had to ask him about the shirt. I had no idea there was a lentil festival, but I sure knew what lentils were. I wasn't surprised there were a bunch of lentils growing in the region. (This fertile, "Palouse" country is awash in wheat, canola, barley, chick peas, and other crops.) But I was "triggered" by the thought of lentils, for there was a day when I almost gagged on them and determined to never touch them with a stick again unless forced at gunpoint.
Nothing wrong with this particular legume, but the context was grievous. By genetics and a lack of discipline, I would find myself ten pounds overweight annually a month before reporting for two weeks of Army Reserve duty, whether at Forts Knox, Campbell, Hood, or Irwin, or the Pentagon. When I showed up, I knew they'd weigh me and also see how I did with situps, pushups, a two-mile run, etc. So I "enrolled" in a crash course of jogging, dieting, and such, and the diets were both effective and onerous. I remember one with grapefruit and and hard boiled eggs when I was a Wheaton prof, and thankfully, I discovered the effective and fairly enjoyable Atkins diet when I worked at MBTS. But somewhere in between was the lentils-and-brown-rice regimen. And that was pretty much it for weeks. A lot of brown nutrition, without relief from the array of gustatory delights the Lord has provided us. But it worked.
Still, I'll not be attending next year's lentil festival. I think I'll go to the dentist instead.